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America
America is the land of the free and the home of the brave. Plot Background In 1492 there was no takeout and the only way to get curry was to go around Africa and then all the way to India. However by the time the ships would get back the curry was cold. Enter Christopher Columbus. Much like Napoleon, Columbus was born in Italy but left the country to get away from all the guidos. So he stowed away on a merchant vessel. However he was caught and framed for being Bonapartist and sent to the prison of Monte Cristo. Here he did hard labor for 19 years. After being paroled he became a man of great wealth and ascended all the way to become the Count. However Inspector Javert who is a cop that is JUST DOING HIS JOB wont leave Columbus alone. So Columbus flees to Spain where he begins to formulate a plan for revenge. He will find a new route to India, and then he will bring back curry that is so warm and spicy that Queen Isabella herself will bow to him as will all the others in the land, as seen in the movie Perfume. Everyone else thought the world was flat, but Columbus presumed it was round, and therefore he could sail the other way and get to India a lot faster. The Black Rock was commissioned and the adventure begins. Little did Columbus know he was about to discover America, which was confirmed when the other people who were already there told him that. Discovery There was a terrible storm at the sea, and the Black Rock crashed into what looked like a statue of Tawaret but was actually Plymouth Rock. Columbus felt that he must be in India. When the natives arrived, he referred to them as Indians. However they replied that they were actually AMERICAN Indians and this was America. They then told Columbus "This is America speak American". We do NOT want people speaking Spanish in are country I dont care if he discovered it or not. Then the Nanny State arrived and began to colonize the continent as was the custom at the time. Columbus tried to stop them by leading 300 troops against them but was routed at the battle of Themopylae. Finally at the end as Columbus staggers back to find his ship the final plot twist is revealed as he sees the ruins of the Taj Mahal protruding from the sand. It turns out he was on Planet India the entire time. Some years later, an epilogue shows us that Robert the Bruce led the Indians into a battle of nonviolent resistance against the English in 1947. A voiceover by Mel Gibson states that the Americans won their freedom in that battle. Sequel In the sequel we find that nonviolent resistance doesnt work and the tree of liberty must be refreshed with the blood of tyrants. Therefore the Founding Fathers began a revolution to combat King George who had frightening parallels to Obama. This was known as the Revolutionary War and was released on Blu Ray in 1776. It contains Directors commentary and deleted scenes including a special alternate ending where women and minorities never got "equal rights" and the country was much better off.